Dare #6: Make a public, festival-related announcement on the plane on the way to or from the festival.
You’re aboard EasyJet Flight No. 101, destination: festival—and it’s your job to find out which fellow passengers are ready to rage (if you’re on the way to the festival) or recalibrating (if you’re on the way back home). After everyone has boarded and you’re rolling around the tarmac, stand up and yell something to the effect of “WHO’S READY TO GET TURNT THIS WEEKEND?” Extra points if you recognize and point a DJ who’s also on the aircraft—something along the lines of “I know THAT GUY’s gonna play some BANGERS. Where my female DJs at y’all?” You get double credit if you manage to muster the same amount of enthusiasm when you ask everyone on the plane back if they had the best weekend of their lives.
You managed to get wristbands for free anyway through a friend of a friend of a friend, but a spare 200 euro would be pretty sick—and even sweeter if you sabotaged those private-bathroom using festival plutocrats in the process. If you take on this dare, you must sell your coveted backstage passes to the obnoxiously eager lads in the plebian areas of the festival grounds, who would become your loyal minions for eternity after making them this offer they can’t refuse. Extra points if you keep your real name on the list.
Dare #8: Call your mom and ask her to pay for you to change your flight and come home early.
This is potentially one of our most personally degrading dares: call your mom halfway through the festival and beg her to finance your early flight home. Start the call with a slightly panicked, “Oh my god, mom?” And then go in for the kill. “Hi, yeah, no, I’m here at the festival…but like, I’m really tired and, I don’t know, I’m just not having fun anymore. Can I please come home? I just can’t be here anymore…” Then start to cry. The incentive for completing this dare is that, if you chicken out, the friend who dared you to do this will call your mom for you and ask on your behalf.
Dare #9: Pop every balloon you see.
Nothing’s weirder than being the angry person popping all the balloons that come floating your way, so we dare you to grab and burst every last one around you. It’s even better if you go a little out of your way to get the balloon and pop it. Use your keys, sticks, hands—whatever you think will work best.
Dare #10: Girls—wear a Shewee and pee in the urinals.
Ladies, this is your chance to stand-pee, because the technology is finally here in the form of a “female urination device” or “urinella,” which is basically a funnel you whizz into so you can wee like a dude. The dare is to make use of one—perhaps a Shewee, a Pee-Zee or, for really bold gals, a Pipi Pappe—and pee all over the festival. You decide: will it be against a fence, a trashcan or the urinal trough alongside all the dudes? To win this dare, make an ambiguous comment to the guy next to you at the trough, like “I see what you got there,” or “There it is.”