Audioccult Vol. 106: The Dog Vol. 1 – Telekom Electronic Beats

Audioccult Vol. 106: The Dog Vol. 1

Words by Daniel Jones

Light a candle. Draw the required sigils. Now, raise your arms above your head and slowly, gently, exhale your soul. You won’t need it here. This is Audioccult, and it’s time to get low. IllustrationSHALTMIRA

Exhibit 1: An unaltered Garfield comic where Jon literally drinks dog semen.

Audioccult-Garfield

Exhibit 2: Tips for Dogs

– Pet a dog

– Dog a pet (illegal in most areas)

– Knick knack paddywack

– Leave a dog alone

Audioccult-MeatMaster

 

– Teach a dog abstinence

– I double dog dare you to pet twin dogs

– Don’t be soft on a dog, unless the dog is a mush dog. Then you can mush and squish in the soft mush dog (applies to mush dogs only)

– Skin and wear as comfortable jersey (applies to mesh dogs only)

– Eyyyy (applies to Jersey dogs only)

Exhibit 3: *lower jaw unspools in fleshy ribbon from upper jaw* HNNNGGhh

Audioccult-FleshDogVersionPerfect

Exhibit 4: The dog

aaa

 

Dillon: You son of a bitch

Audioccult-Dillon

 

Exhibit 6: The MatchMaker…stay tuned for more in Audioccult’s new 20-part dog series. Wait Until You L@@K At My Dogs.