Light a candle. Draw the required sigils. Now, raise your arms above your head and slowly, gently, exhale your soul. You won’t need it here. This is Audioccult, and it’s time to get low. Illustration: SHALTMIRA
DROP IT LIKE IT’S HOT (m4f)
I was heating up quarters with my friends using a blowtorch and leaving them on sidewalks for people to pick up. You were the tenth person to fall victim to our prank, and as I watched the skin on your hand blister into a perfect bubble I was struck by the simplicity of our existence on this earth. The pain that it has become second nature for us to inflict upon each other binds our souls down into the mundane realities, restricting us from higher dimensions of thought. Yet we are caught in this cycle, forced to reenact again and again the same petty cruelties. A ribbon of blood upon a sidewalk; a muffled scream, barely perceptible in the hush of dusk; a bruise blossoming across a cheek like a rare flower: these are the aesthetics and music of our sphere, and this is what I’m going to tell the judge tomorrow during your frivolous lawsuit. If you care to concede your inevitable defeat, contact me over ICQ (BushFan1998).
LONELY HEARTS SET FREE TO FLY (f4f)
Does love at first sight exist? Saw you at the airport as we were getting on the same flight. You seemed scared, and I wanted to stroke your hair so badly, hold you close to me and and feel your heart beat in time with mine but I couldn’t figure out a way to get your cage open. You were a cat.
A BLACK TIE AFFAIR (m4f)
The sky had never been bluer the first time I saw you, your hand brushing back a strand of hair from your forehead. I was transfixed: never in all my years in this mortal realm had I seen a beauty as stunning as yours. You were surrounded by friends and family members but I snuck close to you using cool moves I remember from playing Call of Duty until we were literally inches away. You told me not to stand so close to you and then your brother started yelling at me and I was removed from the funeral. As I watched you and your family drive away you rolled down the window and yelled at me not to contact you or post an ad about this. Was there something more here?
AN ACCIDENT HAPPENED (f4m)
We need you to come home right away. Your dad is really hurt and we’re not sure how much longer he’s going to be with us. The doctors are doing everything they can but they keep telling us not to expect anything. It would be best if you got here as soon as you can. Please pick up some dog food for Max as well. Love you. MOM.
You were at the Supercuts, defying traditional gender roles by getting a really horrible haircut. I detected your aura levels were of a kind with my own when you phased through the window without breaking it. I think you noticed me (same haircut) but can’t be sure as I did not want to subject you to my gaze. If you felt what I did, I would like to shift into a pocket-universe with you free from intolerance and hatred. Please contact me through a series of sub-sonic vibrations and tell me which Cartoon Network character shirt I was wearing.⁓
For more editions of Audioccult, click here.