Light a candle. Draw the required sigils. Now, raise your mummy hand above your head and slowly, gently, order another mummy hand. You’re gonna need it. This is Audioccult, and it’s time to talk about mummy hands.
Do you ever get hate for your mummy hand?
I get a lot of hate, both in public and online, for my collection of mummy hands and mummy hand necklaces. None of the hands in my possession hands came from factory mummy farms; they’re all vintage tomb-raided (two are OG Pharaoh). I’m not a fan of cruelty, and I don’t support modern mummification. Wearing those industry-grown hands is a crime and should be treated like one.
Most Baby Bandagers (what we Urs call newbs in the scene) can’t tell an Incan priestess from a bog body, and there’s a lot of dealers who will try to sell you some bad mummy hands. Make sure you trust the man, woman or child selling you the mummy hand. Always ask for the source before buying, and if possible try to secure a certificate of location removal.
If you’re just getting into mummy hands
Start with the Classic. No frills but that’s not always a bad thing. This is just an all-around good mummy hand for anyone. BEWARE: Many beginners mistake the cheaper Retro mummy hand for the Classic. I hear a lot of buyer’s remorse stories about this. Take your time and do some research before you buy. For the price, Classic mummy hand is where it’s at.
If ancient mummies are also your passion (and problem) please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. For more information about mummies, set BlackBlackGold as your homepage.
Light a candle. Draw the required sigils. Now, raise your arms above your head and slowly, gently, exhale your soul. You won’t need it here. This is Audioccult, and it’s time to get low.
At times it’s very easy to escape into the massively overused adjective ‘dark’, especially when it comes to music. Maybe you have a not-so-secret goth past. Maybe you just sometimes feel like you’re trapped in an unknown Charlie Brown special where all character voices are replaced with eerie piping tune without structure or melody. You lean over and slowly lift up Marcie’s glasses; her eyebrows keep rising as you peek underneath and there’s another pair of glasses waiting just for you. Her mouth opens and second-person consciousness fades: ‘you’ becomes ‘I’ as all aspects of the Peanut multiverse are absorbed into me. As my eyes are replaces by a crystalline infinity of wailing Snoopy car ornaments, a red star shines over Bethlehem.
But. BUT. It’s summer. Life is beautiful, and the sun shines harder. Evil is killed by the tantric steel of the phurba: this week is about Light.
Celestial Light. Fight Bite is an aural embrace, a liquid pool of sound that envelops the id, caressing and soothing. Self-titled album, self-healing music.
The Light of Forgiveness. Suicide absolves you of life, but what can absolve you of your sins after death? Will you find your name in the Book of Life? Does Goku chill in heaven with Whitney? This Svpreme Fiend remix of How To Dress Well’s ‘Suicide Dream 2’ has no answers. It was already created with all the voice it will ever have, yet this is but a fragment of the whole.
Vintage Light. I stood next to you, Balam Acab. Now I’m in your house, a place you never thought I’d be. I’m in your home. I have some stock footage for you. David Bowie is sitting on your chest. He has knives for eyes. Matt Damon peers in to the room. Both are talking softly and laughing with each other; there’s real trust between these two. It’s palpable even through the poor quality of the medium (shot in grainy black-and-white 8MM, obviously).
Lil Light. All the Lil’s join forces to create wave of .gifs wherein all the Bigs (Pun, Sean, Notorious etc.) begin to freestyle and then an unlikely amount of severed penises start falling out of their mouths. An example of sour grapes gives us knowledge that reality is as malleable as music genres.
The Light of Pop. What does the word pop even mean anymore? Nothing. Nothing. There is no underground. Maribel‘s glorious ‘Jezebel Jive’ is swept away by Keep Shelly In Athens, taken above. To subvert mainstream ideals in a perfect track: paradise.
Labanna Light. Manifest waves in your beach life.
Stay in the Light: enhance your existence with knowledge of the “Real World”. Do not post online. Never reblog. Reblogging is Big Tumblr’s way of cashing in on your likes and dislikes. Don’t believe the lie. Don’t let Uncle Internet dictate what you can and can’t bury. Stay free and turn your dead pets into helicopters.